The Last 30 Days

I'm not "myself" lately and this weather isn't helping (ps: it's supposed to be summer and it's raining and cold - for like everrrrrrr) and not only is it making me blah, it's making my exercise and healthy eating blah too! With that... let's just do a quick 30 day recap:

The Bahamas... My brother's wedding was amazing. It was beautiful, the bride was beautiful...the bridesmaids were pretty sexy too. The ceremony, reception, everything was perfect. I got to watch two amazing people complete each other. The time I got to spend with Shaun and my family was great. We even made new friends. It was awesome to be able to have this trip with the man I love and at the same time give him something he's never had, A VACATION! We enjoyed days at the pool, venturing off to the National Park and the beautiful blue ocean and white sandy beaches. We had amazing food, good drinks, and great company...what more could we ask for? It was about as perfect as a vacation can be. So very grateful...

Exercise & Healthy Eating... When I left for the Bahamas I was down to 194lbs -- I was super excited because, holy crap, finally out of the 200's (again). Of course while I was there eating right and exercise were the last things on my mind (at least after the wedding, cause you know I had to fit into that dress). Unfortunately...now that I'm back it seems to STILL be the last thing on my mind. When I got on the scale this morning it said 201lbs...like really? Why does it take me a month to lose 5lbs and a week to gain it back?! UGH! So yes, I'm a little discouraged with myself (and yes, I know it is my own fault...I'm not making excuses, I'm not blaming anyone else -- I'm well aware of how and why this happened). That being said, I'm missing my mojo that I had before our vacation... and I need to find that. Someone pleaseeeee help me find my mojo!

I LOVED T25... so I thought I'd do T25 Gamma, but I'm not loving it as much. Or maybe I'm not letting myself love it as much? I also tried TurboFire (by tried I did two workouts)...again, not in love with it like I was with T25. Then it happened, I tried CIZE and guess what...I love it. Downside, it doesn't come out until July 1st and I'm going to have to buy it (I'm cheap), but because I love it, I know I'll do it. Until then, I'm still "pushing along" with T25 Gamma in the mornings (sometimes).

Vacation #2... I have to start getting ready for our next vacation -- CAMPING!! I keep pushing
this off too, and I know that the week of I'm going to start stressing out and be like OMG why did I wait so long! I can't tell you how excited I am to take the kids for the week to the place I grew up at for two weeks each summer (and a lot of long weekends). I have been going to Four Seasons for my whole life (legit, pretty much)... it is where I found my two best friends (who are still my best friends to this day) and I want it to be a place that Haley and Dylan want to go to each summer too. I hope they can find kids to be friends with (I know at 12 and 14 it's a little harder to do that now a days) like I am with mine, I hope they get excited to go, I hope they build memories there like I have. It's a part of me, and I want it to be a part of them too. On that note... maybe I should start making my list of what needs to be packed and purchased!

The Real Me... I have this issue of trying to make everyone happy; trying to fit in, trying to please everyone, worried about what people think (yes, surprise! I have this issue). When I do that, I'm not myself. When I'm not myself, I'm not happy and enjoying life, I'm stressed and irritable. Those around me see it and feel it too, and it's not fair to them or me. At 33 yrs old, I really just need to focus on one thing - me being happy. I enjoy being a country girl, living in Maine, watching my kids play sports, and spending time with my family. I enjoy fishing, camping, being silly, being annoying (yes me), spending Friday nights at home, and Sunday drives. It's who I am.

I'm also trying to come to terms (in this loss of mojo funk that I'm in) that I will never be a size 4 (or probably anything lower than a size 10) -- honestly I don't want to be, but I do want to be more comfortable in my own skin. Someone asked me once, "Is it the number on the scale, or how you feel that matters most?" At the end of the day, it's how I feel... and it all goes back to me being happy with me.

That being said...I am happy with many things - Shaun, the kids, having a home, family vacations... Overall, my life is pretty amazing. I just know it will be better when I am myself, 110% - all the time.

~beYOUtiful~

Melissa
6/24/15: 201lbs
Current Goal: work out 5 days a week