Soul Searching Version 1.0: What I Want in a Man

(Warning: Long Blog)

A lot of my zero to sixty journey is about me finding myself. In this journey I have been thinking a lot about my past relationships and where they went wrong, and what I was missing. Then I started thinking about how little I expected from the men that I was in relationships with. Once I started thinking about that then I started thinking about the men in my life that have always shown me love and respect, and really what a “real man” should be like. These men are: my father, step dad, and two grandfathers.

I’m going to dedicate this blog to them. Especially to my Grandpa Fitton, who is no longer here, but showed me what a true man, a real man, was all about. He was loving, giving, funny, caring, and above all hard working and always provided for his family, traits that, luckily for me, were passed down to my father, Scott. My father has one of the biggest hearts, and I am grateful to be one of his children to be able to enjoy his love.  I am especially lucky because, not only did I have my Grandpa Fitton, but also my Grampy Wildes, who is just as loving, giving, funny, and caring as my Grandpa Fitton was, and has always been by my side to guide and support me. When I was about 10 yrs old my mom met my step dad, Chuck, who has been by there through all trials of life, all my “firsts,” all my heartbreaks (some of which he offered to “take care of” if need be lol). He taught me all the important things growing up that every girl needs to know like how to drive a stick shift, how to change a tire, check my oil, and one summer we even rebuilt my distributor cap (don’t ask).  And he always answered the door when my dates came to pick me up...his famous line, "Keep your hands to yourself, your penis in your pants, and treat her right." Still makes me laugh / blush to this day - SO embarrassing when you're 15 yrs old! 

I have learned from these men that there are truly amazing men out there. I've also learned, that I am no longer going to settle for less. I am worth more than what I think I deserve. I compiled a list of what I ‘want’ in a man (not in a caddy way, but in watching and learning from these 4 important men in my life). It’s my start to making sure that my future husband can compare to my grandfathers and fathers.

What I Want in a Man:
(not in my list below: license, job, and living arrangements of their own are a must)

1.       Must be:

a.     Honest: not just with me but with themselves and others.

b.     Loyal: to friends, family, and me.

c.      Respectful: to friends, family and me. As well as to themselves.

d.     Faithful: this means no cheating, no talking “cute” with girls, no “girl friends” that I don’t know. Nothing that might be considered inappropriate should tables be turned and you heard/saw me doing it with a guy. 

e.     Hard working: a job – full time, may not cut it. I want to know that my man will work two jobs if he has too. Someone that wants to work on a Saturday to provide for his family.

f.      Caring: showing it, not just saying they are. Someone that wants to spend time with family. Someone that wants to spend time with me. Someone that would give up their Sunday football to do something I want to do (though Sunday football is a bad example).

g.     Giving: showing it, not just saying they are. I want someone that would give the last $5 he had to someone less fortunate and not complain about it. Someone that would wake up on a Sunday morning and go shovel the neighbor’s yard after a snow storm.

h.     Loving: actions speak louder than words.

i.       Supportive: in all I do. Showing and saying it are two different things. Someone that will also do the things I like doing, even if they don’t want to and without complaining about it.

2.       Must:

a.     Love their family: I am very close with my family so finding someone who is also close with there is a must. However, not so close that the umbilical cord is still attached. Someone that wants to do family dinners on Sunday, or visit with family a couple times a week.

b.     Respect my family: I am going to love and respect his family, I expect the same in return. I do not expect him to necessarily get along with them all (as I know that can be a chore) – but respect me enough to swallow any “pride” and respect them.

c.      Respect me: I will not be talked down to, talked at, called names, yelled at, or abused in any way or form. I will not be pushed aside as number 2 (unless he has children). I am not a possession, but a partner. I want to be treated as a woman should be – as they used to be in the “old days” – doors held open, hold hands, kiss my forehead, tell me I’m beautiful even when I look like death…and yes, I would like you to pay for the bill at dinner.

d.     Have good work ethic: have a job. Hold a job. Be a valued employee. WANT to work.

e.     Not have a temper: Sometimes having humility and walking away is more of a manly action than not.

f.      Make me laugh: just because. Laughter is the key to the heart. It is also the best medicine (as corny as that sounds, it’s true).

g.     Make me smile: when I’m sad, and when I’m not. This goes along with laughter.

h.     Hug me when I cry: that’s all. They don’t have to say anything, just hold me.

i.       Hug me when I’m sad: Kind of like when I’m crying – just tell me it will be ok, and that “you’ll fix it” if you can – whatever I may be.

j.       Hold a conversation with me: about anything. News and events. Sports. A common like. My day…ask me about my day.

k.     Love camping: this is my second home in the summer. The man that loves me will love this as well – without complaining or acting like it’s a chore.

l.       Like to dance: whether he is good or bad at it. Every once in a while I want to go dance and just have fun. I want him to join me. Pretend to like it just for me. Just as I will pretend to enjoy things that he wants to do that I might not.

m.   Go to the gym with me: not all the time. But at least once in a while. So I know he cares & is supportive.

n.     Listen to my singing: I like to sing and do it all the time. If you don’t like it, don’t say anything – just listen and pretend to love it.

o.     Watch my shows with me: I won’t require them to watch my shows with me every day, but it’s nice once in a while to watch Grey’s or SOA with someone other than myself. And if you don’t like the shows, pretend. Because I’ll watch your shows with you.

p.     Love football: I will watch sports with my man, I will even watch golfing and nascar should he like them. But he must love football and want to watch it with me. He must also NOT be a Dallas Cowboys fan (sorry about your luck – but this is a deal breaker lol).

q.     Want to have at least one child: I do not have any children. I know that at my age, many men might already have one. That’s fine. But they must be willing to want to have at least one more with me, so I can have one of “my own.” At the same time if they do have one of their own already, they must be a good father to them, and have a good relationship with the mother of their child (humble, don’t have to be best friends, but must be civil with each other). I will also promise to be the best “step mom” I can be to theirs.

r.      Not an alcoholic: social drinking is fine. But a 6 pack or more a night is not “social drinking” just because I’m sitting with you while you are doing it, or because you want to be social with your friends every night.

s.      Not a drug addict: period. no pills, no needles, no snorting things up the nose. 

t.      Kiss my forehead: I don’t care if we are fighting, loving, anything…this is one of the most endearing actions a man can make to a woman and it is more erotic, more affectionate, more anything than kissing or making love.

u.     Always kiss me goodnight: even if we are miles away for whatever reason, send me a kiss via text or video. Or call me just to tell me you are kissing me. Do not let a night go by that you do not kiss me goodnight.

Now to some you are thinking holy crap (mostly the men reading this I’m sure)…to other’s you are thinking wow she isn't asking much. Honestly, I just want the love that my grandparents and parents have. To me, that is not asking a lot at all. To me it is asking for real, endless, priceless love.

Thank you again, Grandpa, Grampy, Dad and Chuck for teaching me what I should expect in a man. I love you all, and am so grateful that you were the men that were given to me to learn these things from. And, that I have been able to be part of your love. XOXO

Soul Searching Version 2.0: What I Want in Myself -- to follow...probably after I get back from Aruba and I have some "me" time. This one will be long too...just saying. 

~Melissa
Current: 181lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs