You Have a Pretty Face

I've always been a big girl. As a big girl, I was always told I had a "pretty face." After a while I realized that's what people say to "fat" kids. Or people that don't know what to say at all, because honestly, when I was younger (pre-braces and shaped eye brows) I did not have a pretty face.

When I was in elementary school it wasn't that bad, mostly because that's when everyone is in their "awkward" stage. But when I moved to Connecticut in the 5th grade that is when it hit like a ton of bricks. Not only was I the new girl, but I was the new fat girl - double whammy. I had made a few friends and enjoyed my time with them. They didn't see me as the fat girl, they saw me for who I really was - fun, outgoing, caring. To this day I talk with a few of these people, one of which is still my best friend. We still make an effort to see each other at least once a year even though she is down south and I'm up here in Maine.

I thought that once I moved to a different town in the 6th grade, things would get better...oh no, not even close. Pretty sure my parents picked the worst town to move into with a daughter with self-esteem issues. So, once again...the new fat girl. Oh and let me note I also used to be able to stick a pencil between my two front teeth...picture to follow. Easy target is an understatement. I heard it all from "shamu" to "1-800-96-JENNY" when I was walking on or off the bus or down the halls of the school. I was given a nickname without even knowing - "whale" - how original. This was mainly my life in Junior High and High School. Until I realized that I didn't really care what anyone said about me...I knew who I was. But then I turned into what some would call, a B**** (well actually it was "Fat B****").  Naturally, I didn't care. I put up this huge wall and big front that I was who I was and if you didn't like me, too bad for you.

As I got older, I realized being who you are and being a B**** are completely different. The harsh reality of the fact that I did not get over how I was treated growing up settled in. So yes, I was a B****. Though I've tried to change the way people perceive me, I still think to this day, many people see me as one. I'm really not (ok maybe a little, but no more than most people). I've become more of a humble person, one who still acts like things don't hurt her, but deep down, they do...deep down I hold a lot in. This is where my love of food comes into place. As I hold more and more in...I eat more and more food. Thus getting to where I am today, and really where I've been all my life, the "fat girl." Food didn't talk back, it didn't make fun of me, it was there when I needed it. Amazing what a simple addiction can do to someone in the long run...

While I love having a "pretty face" - I'd like to be a "pretty girl" or the "awesome, amazing, sweet, funny, caring, loving girl" that I know I am to everyone around me who know me. Recently I saw this youtube video and thought, OMG that's me...maybe you'll find it helpful for those around you that might think you are a B****.

Here it is...I'd say I was probably around 10 or 11 yrs old in that picture...and then the recent one I'm 31 yrs old. HA...I'm sorry but that ain't no pretty face on the left!

~Melissa
7/3/13 - 180lbs
Goal - 157