I Did It: Detox is OVER, Not Really

Well I completed the 10 day detox program and did not cheat (except for the LAST night, I had popcorn at the basketball game -- but hey, it wasn't a hot dog or nachos and cheese like I REALLY wanted). I feel great. I am caffeine free for 11 days now. I've been eating lots of protein and little / no carbs. My mind is clearer. I realize I am not as "angry" as I was sometimes. It's a great feeling. And -- though it wasn't as much as I wanted to lose (which was my own fault for not getting to the gym more) -- I did lose 6lbs in the 10 days!! Which, is nothing to snuff, I know.

That being said... I'm still going to carry along some of the things I did during my program. No caffeine -- for now, I won't promise forever. Smoothies for breakfast, I am not sure I can do the shake mix they gave me forever, as it's not cheap, but I can make my own fruit smoothies and put some protein shake mix in it once I run out of the shake mix they gave us. I will continue with more veggies and less starches (potatoes, rice, etc). I am going to cave eventually, and eat pasta... it is what it is. BUT I will be trying to be more conscience and finding gluten free, organic options for these things.

Now it's just time to focus on ARUBA baby! I have a couple weeks to lose a few more pounds, get a little base tan, and get ready for vacation! I got a text from my "second mom" today saying 16 DAYS! haha. She's excited too I think...though it's 17 days for me. Overall, my focus right now is gym time and continuing to eat well by paying attention to what I put in my body; reading labels and really knowing what's what.

Until next time... I'm going to go enjoy a beer tonight to celebrate my win -- but don't worry it will be Angry Orchard, which is really like apple juice.

~Melissa
Current: 181lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

Day 7 & 8: The Weekend

I made it through the weekend...only TWO DAYS LEFT! Because I had to work long shifts and dinner was going to be late, I decided to go with two shakes each day and almonds in between for snacks. Saturday I had a nice piece of steak and spinach for dinner (late dinner - which I don't suggest to people, but sometimes you don't have a choice when you work till 9pm) -- and sadly, Sunday I didn't even eat dinner (also not something I suggest) since I didn't get home till almost 9:30pm and I was not even hungry, nor did I have the energy to cook that late. Other than my crazy eating schedule, everything else this weekend was ok.

I have to say that I am definitely going to continue this journey after Tuesday. I feel much better. My body doesn't ache as much, and even with the lack of caffeine, I can tell my energy is better. It's actually a great feeling. I haven't stepped on the scale again since my last weigh in on gym day (which was a total of 5lbs at that point). I know I said I wanted to loose 10lbs, well I'm pretty sure because I didn't make it to the gym every day that probably didn't happen...but I am not going to snuff at 5lbs in a week either if that's all it comes too! I am kind of sad I didn't make it to the gym as much. Between working full time and having 2 part time jobs, it's hard to fit it into the schedule. And the days that I want to go to the gym (Saturday and Sunday) they close at 7pm (apparently only open 24hrs Monday - Thursday lol). My weigh in will be Tuesday the last day of my detox day.

Honestly, I wouldn't even call this detox -- except the first couple days -- I would call this life style change. Though I can't afford to buy ALL organic, ALL the time -- I am going to make a conscience effort to see what I can purchase that's "healthier" and really pay attention to what is in the things I am buying. It's also about portion control -- and attacking cravings (those vices we all have -- ice cream, chocolate, etc). If I went 10 days with NO caffeine, NO ice cream, NO chocolate, NO sweets -- I'm pretty sure I can do it for 10 more...and probably 10 more after that. I'm excited for my new journey!

I'll be back after my weigh in to talk about the last couple days and what my total loss was... thank you all again for supporting me -- the text messages, facebook messages, comments on here. Love you all!!

Photo shoot picture from work -- just for fun!

~Melissa
Current: 182lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

Days 5 & 6: Chocolate & Ice Cream

It's true, when you can't have something you want it more. Day 5 I was craving something sweet really bad. To the point I was adding extra lemon in my water just for SOMETHING and I may have had a few extra almonds. I did not cave though, which is a win...and eventually once I got home and cooked dinner, I wasn't craving anything sweet anymore. Day 6 was the same, we had ice cream cake at work for a birthday - really people, don't you know that I'm detoxing - birthdays must wait, especially when it's my FAVORITE kind of cake!

I'll be heading to the gym tonight (day 6) because I need to sweat this craving need out! I'll also be weighing in -- see if anythings happened in 2 days (I'm sure it hasn't, but we'll see). This weekend is going to be hard because I'll be working all day Saturday and Sunday - thankfully PF is now 24hrs, yay! I also have an awesome friend that's going to lend me his hot tub after work Saturday -- OMG heaven.

Really not much to share today, no major milestones, just over the 1/2 way point now. Honestly, this isn't that bad, but if I want an m&m when this is done, I'm having one if I am craving it! Oh, and my headaches, ya they are coming and going still. Not sure if being at work with the dry air and florescent lights is causing them or the lack of caffeine - I'm thinking work at this point, the caffeine just always was there so I never noticed until now. (that could all be in my head who knows)

No pictures of me this time, though that blog got one of the highest viewings than some of my other blogs -- hmmm. Creepers! 

I'm taking the weekend off from the blog -- so you'll hear about how awesome my weekend was Monday! I can't believe Tuesday is my last day of this detox...it goes by quick when you think about it, but yet has a long lasting effect -- should you choose to stick with it! My promise to myself is that I will NOT buy a coffee on Wednesday morning -- after that, no promises. But, I can tell you that I will do the smoothies for breakfast for a while after this, they are just good!

~Melissa
Current: 183lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

Day 4: Back to the Gym

Today was good. Headache is now just a part of my journey and I am trying to ignore it. I did get some advice on what I could try to make it go away -- coconut water, sauna, and my favorite -- a workout. That being said, guess what day it is -- it's GYM DAY!

Before we get to how the gym went... let's talk about my awesome salad I made; lettuce, green peppers, celery, broccoli, chickpeas, strawberries, and balsamic vinegar - amazing. Not only amazing...looks pretty too! I could have added tomatoes, carrots, etc...but green is lean! I only added the strawberries because I was craving something sweet - it really was the perfect combo. I do think that I might have to do this one again, but maybe switch out my chickpeas with leftover chicken from tonight.

I am finding that because I'm not stuffing my face with food (which honestly, during the day I really don't anyways, but because I know I can't, I want to). I do need to snack throughout the day, so I have been enjoying some almonds - which are amazingly good. I know in most cases they say you should eat 4-5 small meals a day...so I guess in essence that's what I'm doing. But when I'm snacking now it's not M&Ms (or weight watcher pills as we say in the office).

Most exciting part of my day -- going back to the gym! Though I will admit, a bit intimidating when I showed up to the newly remodeled / reopened Planet Fitness in Waterville and didn't know where anything was, and there was more people there, than I have ever seen at PF in my year of going there! After the shock however, I found my way to the treadmill and burned 500 calories -- whoot whoot! I explored the gym a bit and then the dreaded "weigh in" came.

Many people had said they had lost weight throughout the fast, averaging about 5lbs. So when I stepped on the scale and had lost 4lbs, I won't lie - I was a little disappointed. I was really hoping for the 5lb mark, or more. I know that 4lbs isn't anything to snuff at (especially in a 4 day period), but I guess I am just hard on myself and figured after fasting for 2 days -- I deserved a 5! Overall though, if this trend stays on track, I guess 10lbs in the end is a nice number to finish with. I really just need to get back to the gym and push myself a little harder, and make sure that when I'm not at the gym, I'm pushing myself to not eat when I "think" I'm hungry.

So, I haven't posted a "before" photo yet, because I'm pretty self conscience about how my body looks, but seeing that I would like to be able to see my transformation and share with you all of my journey, I guess I kind of have too...so here goes. This is at 183lbs (during the fast). Clearly I need someone to take these for me, because bathroom selfies aren't really getting the "full body" effect...but here's a start (and I might add, pretty sure there are signs of abs appearing under the fluff).

Again, (as I've stated before) - respect my journey and my blogs (and now my pictures). If you can't please kindly remove yourself from my page.

Well day four has come and gone... as well as 4lbs. Here's to the next 6 days!

~Melissa
Current: 183lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

Day 3: FOOD!

Who ever thought that food would be so amazing -- and not even food that I normally would want to stuff my face with after not eating for two days, but HEALTHY food.

Woke up and had myself a chocolate, strawberry and banana smoothie (using the same shake mix from my fasting, only this time MUCH yummier). Then I spent the day in Portland at a meeting for work. When I got there I was like, crap I didn't pack a lunch, so I was a little worried what was going to happen come lunch time. Needless to say, there was salad, so I was able to indulge in that. I was smart and brought almonds, so I snacked on those throughout the day. Come 7pm when I got home I was ready to EAT food. I had planned something quick and easy knowing I was going to be home late; chicken with diced tomato and green peppers -- needless to say, it was amazing.

I'm still having issues with my headaches. They come and go. More annoying than anything. I'm drinking lots of water (no really, like 96 ounces a day)...and I'm having green tea in the morning. Apparently I have more toxins trying to get out of my system than I thought. Hopefully, come day 5 these headaches will be over...I just keep telling myself 7 more days till coffee lol.

I'm all packed up and ready for breakfast, lunch and dinner tomorrow -- day 4. I'll be enjoying a smoothie for breakfast again, chickpea salad for lunch, and my left over chicken concoction for dinner. I'm ready for bed. I clearly haven't hit the part of this detox where I have energy yet!

~Melissa
Current: 187lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

Day 2: Pounding and Growling

Woke up with a pounding headache. Just to fill you all in, at least once a month or every other month, I get a headache that is border line migraine -- just the way life has been for as long as I can remember. I'm pretty sure that my caffeine / food withdrawal headache came at the same time as that one. I thought I was going to be sick this morning before I came to work. It wasn't fun. I popped some aspirin, that wasn't working. Then I remembered the green tea (ew) - this time I used two bags to one mug and added fresh lemon juice (a little more enjoyable). About 3 hours into my day the headache finally went away. Whether the aspirin kicked in, or the green tea kicked in, I'm not sure, but I was happy.

So, I had my green tea and shake around 9:30-10am. I tried to wait as long as possible before having my "food for the day." I was fine until about 2pm my stomach started growling. I mean - haven't eaten for days - growling. Of course at 2pm I don't want to have my last shake because I know that means at 8pm I'll be hungry again. Needless to say I pushed through the growling stomach until about 4:30-5p.

Surprisingly enough I was ok for the rest of the night. I worked until 9pm and went home and pretty much right to bed because I was tired and still had a slight headache. Helped knowing in the morning I was going to be able to have FOOD! Can I tell you how excited I am for this. OMG!

My biggest fear during this week is that I am not making all the meals that she suggested and it's going to hinder my results. Don't get me wrong I have purchased all organic foods and know what I can and can't have for the next 10 days, but I'm not going to be following any menu plan. Mainly because I work three jobs and don't have time, I work three jobs because I'm broke and can't afford to spend more money (above the $130 I have spent for this already), and I don't cook (ok this one doesn't count, but really it does). But we'll see, I'm going to stick to the program to my abilities and see what happens. I still haven't weighed myself, but most people after day two were down on average 5lbs. Whooooo, hoping I hit that mark!

Till next time...

~Melissa
Current (maybe): 187lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

Day 1: I Want Food!

I’m writing this blog on Sunday night to post for today (Monday). Mainly I am doing this because I needed something to do to take my mind off wanting to stuff my face because I am (feel like I am) starving. I also want to make sure I document my journey during this detox without missing a day (hopefully).

So, I ended up starting the detox on Sunday instead of Saturday because I had so many things going on Saturday (traveling, funeral, get together) and hadn’t had time to go grocery shopping for all the things I would need for the fast or the week yet.

The beginning of the day was fine. I got up had a shake and went to work for 12pm. Drank LOTS of water with lemon throughout the day (so far probably 5 medium iced coffee cups from DD lol – yes I recycle). I had my second shake when I got out of work at 7pm and was still feeling ok. Then it really set in around 8:30pm. I WANT FOOD! Now mind you, I stopped by a friend’s house and as I walk into the kitchen she has sitting on the counter: apple danish, chocolate donuts, pepperoni, crackers, chips, and dip. Along with some beer and wine. COOL. This was hard. Telling myself NO was hard. I know some of you are thinking -- wow that’s bad -- one day and she is already caving in. Let’s not forget I have an addiction. People have their vices in life and mine has always been food, thus the reason why I’m the size I am.

Now I sit here drinking a warm cup of green tea which is gross with no sugar or milk…and probably is gross regardless lol. I’m writing this blog and really trying to tell myself I don’t have a lack of caffeine headache, and that I’m not hungry. So end of day one I would say I’m surviving but slightly grumpy. I know that day two is going to be harder, as I am working 9am – 9pm and can only have two shakes all day. My body is going to hate me…and I will legit be starving, not just pretend starving.

I am glad that I am able to share this with you. The ones that I know are reading this and following my journey of being a better, healthier me. The ones that send me words of encouragement and tell me I can do this – and anything that I put my mind too. Thank you for your support. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

I will say that I am excited to start trying some of the recipes that I have found and that were giving to us for this detox program. It wasn’t cheap buying organic food, but it is actually starting to make me want to eat healthier (that could also be the starvation setting in). I’m also excited that when I go back to the gym on Tuesday it is going to be a NEWER, BETTER Planet Fitness, as they moved down the road and have a larger area. Alright, it's bed time…really hoping sleep will take away the need for food!

~Melissa

Current: 187lbs

Goal 150-155lbs

Body Detoxification

I will be starting a 10 day detox program through New England Naturopathic Health tomorrow. The first two days will be tough as I am only allowed protein / fiber drinks. After those, I will be allowed to add non-grain foods into my diet. This will be the part that is most challenging for me, as I love, no - LOVE - pasta, bread, and anything that I won't be able to eat for 10 days. However, with all the "substitute" options out there I think I will probably find things that I love just as much instead. 

I'll be tracking my journey for you all over the next week of this program. I'm excited actually. I'm hoping it will 1) help me lose weight, 2) help me understand my body and the toxins in it, and 3) introduce me to new ways of eating and cooking healthier overall. 

If people have recipes and substitute foods that will help me along the way, I am very open to hear them! Right now, I'm thinking lots of chicken, fish, and salads. They will be providing me with a meal menu to guide through the process, however, we can eat what we would like as long as it is within the guidelines. Since I'm an outside the box kind of person, I started looking to see what foods I would be able to eat while I was doing this that would replace my grains - chickpeas, quinoa, almond, soy, tapioca. Ok, these are things I can deal with. This shouldn't be too bad. I even found some recipes I am kind of excited to try. Being that this is a blog, and blogging is about "share worthy content" -- here are a few that caught my eye: 

• Grain Free Pasta 
• Grain Free Pancakes
• Ready...here is my favorite Maple-Candied Bacon - HA! Mother load...bacon is grain free!

Needless to say there are 1000's of recipes that I have started looking through and I think I'm going to be ok with this all. Even if I only lose 5lbs over the 10 days through this detox, I'll be happy, because in the end it's about understanding and introducing healthier living all together, which will have a better long term effect. 

After my detox meeting, I will be going to the gym for the last time this week until Tuesday (as I cannot workout during the 2 day cleanse), then plan on enjoying a night of dancing with some friends before I start my detox. I hope everyone has a great weekend! 

Oh and almost forgot to share, I jogged the other day (bigger accomplishment for some than others). Remember how I said "Fluffy Girls Should NOT Run" -- I take that back. I had a friend say that she started jogging by going through one full song, then two songs, etc. So I tried that and it worked! I managed to jog for a solid 10 minutes just by telling myself one more song each time. So in 40 minutes I jogged a total of 20 (10 minutes each time). I was pretty proud of myself. Yep, even patted myself on the back. 

~Melissa
Current: 187lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

The Missing Piece / Peace

After I wrote my blog on "Food to Fill the Void" I received and email from someone. It was one of the most touching and truthful emails I've received. It made me cry (a lot) and then made me think. I'm going to share the email because it is a strong message, not only for me, but for others who feel the same way. I hope that the person that sends it to me does not get upset that I am sharing it, but the message is one I think other's should hear, especially some of my friends and family who are also going through the stage of life that I am at: "What happens if you find a man and have a child and then still feel the need to emotional eat? Eating is filling the hole that you assume is your missing husband and child. What if that isn't the hole you are trying to fill? Your recent relationships felt like you trying to force pieces into a puzzle because you think you only have so much time to finish it. Many people are in their 40's before they are married or have children? Have faith...I do.

What if your missing piece or peace is really within you already? What if the missing piece is your willingness and ability to love Melissa as she is. Today you are beautiful, generous, kind, thoughtful, successful, intelligent, and fun. You are needed and appreciated by many. You are worthy of love and attention and acceptance by everyone. Especially yourself!

My prayer and wish is that you love yourself as you are today -- any given day -- then you will find your "missing" piece/peace."

Now this may have been written to me, but for some if you replace Melissa with your name - it's spot on for you too.
I'm glad that this person sent me this because it just reiterated what 2014 is all about for me. Changing and doing -- for me, no one else. This is the year about Melissa. Finding and loving who I am, not who I try to be for others. I won't lie, when I say that this email is probably spot on. There are many things that I know I need to work on when it comes to filling the pieces or peace within me and number one is loving myself. For most that know me I am a happy person. I am always smiling. But sometimes the smile is just a cover to hide the true feelings, because I don't want to deal with what is really going on. Everyday is a new day. Everyday is a day to work on you.
Today is my day -- "I'm Melissa and I don't love myself as I should - but, I will because I know I deserve to be happy and today is the day I start."
~Melissa
Current: 187lbs Goal: 150-155lbs

I just want to note that some of these blogs are going to be personal. It's my journey of life, love, weight loss - that will hopefully, eventually be an inspiring book for someone else. With that, please respect my stories and me when reading these.

Food to Fill the Void

I was so excited to get home Thursday night and try out my new 12 stretches for this awesome hip of mine...but that is far from what happened. I got home from work and sat down on the couch (first mistake) and stuffed my face. To the point that My Fitness Pal was giving me error messages as I was filling out everything I was eating.

Ok, here is what really happened. I got home (and when I say home there could be two places that I am at - my actually house, or my friend Jessica's house where I frequently stay at because it's close to work and who likes being home alone all the time) the kids (hers not mine) were running around, dinner was ready, there was a movie playing, and Jessica was doing homework on the computer. So, I joined the crowd. Hung out with the kids, watched the movie, helped with Jessica's homework, and at that point was not removing my butt from the couch, except for when I started getting "bored" and then "emotional."

Bored for me equals food in mouth. Now this wouldn't be a problem if I craved an apple or yogurt, but I crave chocolate and ice cream. After stuffing my face with ice cream and some caramel Hershey kisses I was good, so I thought. A couple hours rolls around and I'm hungry (again). Only at this point, I'm not bored hungry, I'm "emotional" hungry. This is where I should back up a little for you...

I thought when I turned 30 my life was going to end because I was not married and I had no kids, honestly 30 and 31 were a breeze - but since I have turned 32 it feels like I've been more emotional than I have in my last 31 years of life. I'm at the stage where most of my friends are getting married, are married, are having babies, or have at least one child already. So when I am hanging out with them, conversations are typically about well, babies and kids -- or weddings. Normally, this wouldn't bother me. I'd enjoy hearing about what baby A did and when child B's next performance was. If the kids were around, I'd love playing with them, holding them - yes, I'd even change diapers. It wasn't until December 24, 2013 that seemed to change.


Don't get me wrong, I still want to hear about the babies and the weddings. I still want to hang out with the kids. But now, when I leave wherever I am, I cry. Or, like last night - I am sitting at home watching Despicable Me 2 and everyone goes to bed, I cry. I want a baby, but of course to have the baby, you need the man - and let's not even start talking about that in this post.

Overall, it was just an emotional day for me. Things happened throughout the night that made me think and made me sad, and thus made me eat - because I am above all things - and emotional eater. So while I can't have a child right now, I can have string cheese, chocolate, ice cream and lemonade.

2014 - DO stop being an emotional eater.

~Melissa
Weight: 189lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

Fluffy Girls Should NOT Run

I go to the gym and I do my own little routine everyday. However, every once in a while I like to spice it up a bit and during my cardio do spurts of running (ok, a fast jog). Let me note, that going to the gym is hard for me anyways - working out in front of people when you've been "the fat girl" your entire life is not easy. That being said, trying to run is exceptionally difficult for me - especially when I am between two marathon runners - ya, that was my night last night. But, I just suck it up and said this is the year of "do."  So like any normal day I'm walking along and it's "spurt" time, so I push that little speed button from 3.5 to 5.5 (yes that's my max right now), everything is going great, I'm "running" along and all of a sudden "pop" - OMG my leg (well hip) decided that it didn't want to run today. Really...so now here I am at 5.5 trying to not cry, get back down to my walk speed and not hobble off the treadmill at the same time.  At this point, looking like a fool was a definite (thank goodness I go to a "judgement free" gym). As I finally came to a stop I realized now I have to walk off the treadmill, across the gym, and to the locker room...without looking like an old lady. Let's just say January 8th was NOT my day to be at the gym apparently.

Initially my take away from this day at the gym was -- Fluffy Girls Should NOT Run -- then I realized that was just me being bitter about the fact that I probably just over did it or landing wrong while jogging. So in reality, I need to push myself but be smart about it. Going to the gym three days in a row after not going for three months in a row, is a good indication on how I managed to pull something. It's also a good indication that I need to stretch more. I know I don't do this enough - usually my stretching is about 10 mins from start to finish. Clearly not working for me or my hip flexors. Guess what that means - we get to take a trip to pinterest again!

So, I found this awesome article 12 Great Stretches for Tight Hip Flexors while cruising through pinterest. The fact that I sit at a desk for 8.5-9hrs a day is a good indication of my need for a better stretching routine - ok, a stretching routine in general. This one seems to fit me perfect, and I can do them (or will try with all my might, while looking silly or not) either at the gym or home on an "off" day. Just because I'm not going to the gym, doesn't mean I shouldn't be doing something to keep myself active or flexible! I'm kind of excited to try these out. I think that tonight (day 4) I am going to do these stretches and my home "routine" and have my rest day. Thursday's are good rest days - right before the weekend craziness, and after a few days at the gym. Sounds like my routine is starting to shape up a little bit!

2014 is going to be great, I can feel it (well right now, it's a painful annoyance in my right hip and a slight tightness in my left ankle, but it will get better)...

~Melissa
Weight: 189lbs
Goal: 150-155lbs

First Day Back to the Gym

Went back to the gym yesterday for the first time in, oh probably three months. I always forget how much I enjoy it after I leave. I feel good. I feel accomplished. I feel skinny (ok, we won't go that far).

**I should make something clear before I continue sharing my journey of losing weight and my life changes. I do not want to be a size 2. I do however, want to be healthy and feel good about myself when I look in the mirror. Now to some that is a size 2, and that's great... for me my goal is a size 8 (which I am thinking will be my goal weight of 150-155lbs). I also don't want to be "buff" -- personally, as a woman I feel I should have curves and not bumps. Again, that's just me, I know people that look amazing cut and tone -- and I applaud them for that, but this girl -- wants some fluff, just not as much as I have now! I've read through health magazines and articles and most agree that a woman that is 5'8" should be between 130-160 depending on her frame build. So picking 150lbs wasn't just a random number.**

Ok, back to the gym situation: I am trying to find a happy medium of cardio and weights. I mean I could personally be on the treadmill, bike, and elliptical for days -- no problem. What I lack is the want (or need) to do a weight routine. I mean, I do a few things, a few times, a little bit...you know how that works. But as I start losing weight, I don't want to be that girl with the "bingo" arms that wave until next week. So I did what every woman does and checked out pinterest. Awesome, now I am even more overwhelmed and found 106 arm workouts, 195 leg workouts, 356 ab workouts...phew. Here's what I determined it comes down to -- do what I'm comfortable with and work my way up.

So right now, here's a day in the life of Melissa at the gym: 

Cardio:
30-45 mins (usually 20 in the beginning and 20 at the end)

Arms (currently using 8lbs):
3 sets of 10 Bicep Curls
3 sets of 10 Tricep Curls
3 sets of 10 Tricep Extension

Legs (usually set around 125-150lbs):
3 sets of 10 Hip Abductors (inside and outside)
3 sets of 10 Leg Press
3 sets of 10 Glute Press (each side - 50lbs)

Abs:
3 sets of 10 Sit Ups
3 sets of 10 Reverse Sit Ups
3 sets of 10 Side Cruches with Weights
3 sets of 5 Leg Lifts (on that stupid thing that I can't hold myself up on)
3 sets of 10 Ab Twist Machine (each side - 50lbs)

Melissa at home - because some things people don't need to watch me do:

Punching: 1 minute - 3x
Planking: 30 seconds
Push Ups (girly kind): 10

Now again, this is my routine - something that works for me right now. If you have suggestions, great, I'd love to hear them - but please don't come at me with "that's stupid, you should do this" because that will be an easy way to get on my nerve. I am however, putting it on my calendar to come back to this in a month and see what I can do to step it up.

On that note, I'm heading to the gym...

~Melissa
Official weigh in (1/6/14): 189lbs (yikes...)
Goal: 150lbs

Humility vs Pride

I just want to send a huge thank you to all of you that are reading my blog and especially those that read my Bucket List blog and offered to assist me in achieving some of my goals. 


If anyone knows me, they know I am stubborn. I prefer the term independent, but toma'to - tomah'to - right? I don't ask for help...and if / when I do, it means that things are beyond bad and out of my control (and lets be honest, even then...I don't usually ask). The problem with this? I have no humility. I have too much pride to admit when I am in need of help. Instead, I just pretend everything is OK, To some that may seem like I think I am better than everyone else... to me it means I'm to ashamed to admit I did wrong. 

Here's where I'll start sharing my journey called life. I spent the last year and a half of my life hiding from my family and friends. My pride was too high to realize that I was in trouble, I didn't want to see it or hear it from anyone. To the point where I honestly thought that my life was amazing. I thought I had found someone who loved me more than any other person had before him. I believed all his tales of why this job didn't hold up or that job, or why there was money missing or belongings from the house. It was never him that was the problem, it was always someone else, or something else -- and I believed every word. 

However, towards the last few months of our relationship, I started opening my eyes and thinking about things. Why this happened, or how that situation occurred. Still keeping it to myself, and not sharing with those that loved me (or who knew what was going on and didn't say anything). It wasn't until the last few weeks when everything started to get out of control. I won't go into details (I'll wait for my book), but let's just say I wouldn't put my worst enemy in my situation. Things were said and done that will forever remain in my head and heart. It wasn't until those last few weeks when I put my pride away and said, "enough." It wasn't until I had to call my mother and father and tell them what was going on that my pride - the thing I held on to so dearly, was officially gone. 

These last few months have not been easy. But they have showed me who is really here for me. They have also showed me that it's OK to have humility. In fact, life is better with it. While this chapter of my life is far from over, as relationships and situations like these don't just go away (if only it were that easy). I am now handling this situation in the manner I should have before. I am talking to my family more, I am being humble, I am not trying to act like I can do this all by myself...because I can't. 

The amount of love I received from my Bucket List made me realize that I do have people in my life more than I realized, that are here to help me. I know my family is always there for me, they always have been... but to see friends come out and say "I can help you with this" -- is an eye opener. An eye opener that has come at a perfect time... 2014. 

Signing off to hit the gym...official weigh in tonight for 2014. 

~Melissa 
Goal: 150lbs 

Finally: My Bucket List at 32 Years Old

Happy 2014!! I was able to ring in the new year with two of my best friends (note: I have three - you'll get to know them this year, because they are the rocks that have kept me going through life, so what would my blog / future book be without them -- and I promise you will love them, ok...continue). I couldn't have asked for a better way to start my new year of change and doing than with them! We laughed, cried, danced, drank, and kissed at midnight. All around a great night.

So over the last couple days I've been thinking about the "bucket list" that I need to make, so I can cross something off of it in 2014 (the bucket list idea was in the article I shared last blog - if you didn't read it, you should). Well, here it is folks - took a couple days but, I think I got it - I'll probably add more along the way:

1. Write a Book
2. Go to Ireland
3. Go to Italy
4. Go to Spain (one more time)
5. Go to Hawaii
6. Shop on Rodeo Drive
7. Get a Tattoo (or two, or three)
8. Learn to speak Italian
9. Re-learn Spanish
10. Learn to drive a motorcycle
11. Buy a motorcycle
12. Learn to ride a horse
13. Learn to ice skate / roller stake (yes, at 32 yrs old I can stand & wobble, but I can't actually "do" it)
14. Open a Restaurant or Club
15. Own 200 pairs of shoes
16. Own 100 scarfs
17. Start my own business / organization
18. Get married
19. Have a child (or two)
20. Wear a size 8

Not sure which one will get crossed off this year... but there are a few I'd like to see happen in 2014!

~Melissa
Didn't weigh in, so I'll have to wait to get the update.
Goal: 150lbs